Funny Things I have Said to Patients in Spanish

I was an exchange student in Spain when I was 18.  I learned to speak Spanish pretty well, but it's been almost 14 years.  I do still speak Spanish a few times a week, either at work as a nurse or as a student in clinic.... but I sometimes make mistakes.  And like everything I do, these mistakes are made with love and the best intentions.  Luckily my patients just laugh at me and thank me for trying  :)  

To a patient at the beginning of my shift:  "Hi!  I'm Caitlin!  I'll be your disease today!" 

To a patient as I was teaching her a breast self-exam:  "If you feel a pork rind in your breast, call us right away."

To a patient after a c-section, who was getting ready to go home:  "Don't shit more than 10 pounds at a time."

To a patient that had just gotten an epidural:  "Do you feel dead yet?"

To a patient that needed a phone book:  "There should be one in your ball."

I am a lucky girl

Thank you to Nick for making me stupid happy.  Thank you for loving me, unconditionally, even when I am not easy to love.  Thank you for being at Tony's that night.  

Thank you to Megan for your huge heart and for being my best friend, unfailingly.

Thank you to Vera Wang for being possibly the coolest dog ever.

Thank you to Rebecca and Shawn for reminding me that God has a plan for each of us that makes sense, and that faith will get us through it even when it hurts.

Thank you to whoever decided that I get to be surrounded by love, health, beauty, and kindness.

Thank you to the scale I stepped on this morning that said I weighed 112 pounds, even though I think it was wrong.

Thank you Tuesday for being my day off, I really needed that.

Thank you to the scholarship people for the money.

Thank you to True Religion Brand Jeans for making my butt look cute.

Thank you to Future Midwife Rebecca for just listening when the motormouth gets stuck in the "talk incessantly about dumb stuff that no one cares about" position.

Thank you to my dentist Dr. Pettit and all the staff at his office who are so nice and give such good care, my teeth feel the love too.

Thank you America's Next Top Model, I love you and I'm not ashamed.

I have so very many things to be grateful for, and often get so lost in the details that I forget to say thank you.  I owe everything to the love I am blessed with :)

Why I have been AWOL for many moons

I have decided to go back to school.  And I stupidly decided that I could handle full-time school with full-time work.  I thought, "whatever, it's the summer semester, so laid-back.  And I work 12-hour shifts, so really I only work 3 days a week, sure I can do it.  And anyway, even if it sucks, it's only for like 10 weeks!"  

  So, you know in Napoleon Dynamite, the part where he slaps his head and says "freakin' IDIOT!"  That's pretty much the conversation I have with myself on a daily basis.

  And you should see my bathroom sink.  I think the film of toothpaste is almost a half-inch thick.  Because when I'm not in class, studying, or at work, I'm... Well.  That's pretty much all I do.  

  I just took  vacation to Florida!  I thought it would be so relaxing and a nice short break from the fray.  But while I was there, I completed 2 assignments, took an online midterm, and wrote a 25-page paper.  

  It will all be over soon, only about 3 1/2 more weeks till summer term is over.  And I'll be glad to have these classes out of the way.  I'll have a 3-week break, then start again in the fall, at which time I'll decrease my hours at work to only one day a week.  I cannot wait for that day!!

  So, that's why I've been AWOL.  I don't even have time to vacuum.

How to Make Risotto

Dude, I'm tired of going to restaurants where they give you a scoop of rice pilaf and call it risotto. Not only is it insulting to my Italian heritage (we're all a bunch of proud loudmouths who know how to eat), but it's just plain gross. Please allow me to teach you how to do it right. From scratch. The Dago way.

You will need:

Arborio rice (don't get the instant -in-a-box stuff! that's bad!)
a large pot
butter
olive oil
1/2 c. dry white cooking wine
chicken or vegetable broth
fresh grated parmesan cheese (not that powder kind! Yuck!)
...then add whatever goodies you want

Step 1: You have to toast your rice. I usually use about a cup of rice for every 2-3 people I plan to feed. Melt about a tablespoon of butter over medium-high heat, and when it sizzles, toss in your rice. Coat evenly with the butter and stir frequently. When it's toasted, you'll get a nice toasty smell and the rice will turn a pretty yellow color. I usually take about 10 minutes to do this.

Step 2: Lower heat to medium. Add your white wine and stir until it's absorbed and the alcohol has cooked off.

Step 3: This is the important part. You CANNOT rush risotto, you have to have patience and do it right: add about a 1/2 cup of broth and stir until absorbed. This means standing at the stove and stirring pretty much constantly. It will be worth it! Also, you know when you buy a pack of wooden cooking utensils and there's always a spoon with a big hole in the middle of it? That's a risotto spoon! Use that one! So anyway, stir the broth into the rice until it's absorbed- you will know it's absorbed when you can make distinct trails in the rice as you stir. Add another half-cup of broth and repeat.

Step 4: Altogether, you'll probably need about 3 or 4 cups of broth for every cup or so of rice. If you run out of broth, it's ok to substitute warm water. You'll know when the rice is done when you taste it and it's creamy and al dente (meaning it still has a little body, a little bit of a crunch to it-- you don't want to cook it until it's mushy, that is not the Italian way).

Step 5- the fun part: You can enjoy your risotto plain as a side dish, but I like to put stuff in it and serve it as the entree. Get this stuff prepared in between stirs of your rice, then at the end throw it all in & stir together. Some ideas:

• Hot italian sausage (cut it up into little chunks), roasted potato cubes, and arugula
• sauteed sweet red bell peppers and garlic
• sauteed wild mushrooms (whatever kinds you like!)
• sweet italian sausage and roasted fennel
• roasted summer vegetables-- tomatoes, zucchini, sweet pepper, radicchio
  
• shrimp and celery
• Be creative! This is a dish that you can use whatever you like and it always turns out good!
  

Finally... top with a handful of your fresh parmesan cheese, stir together, grind in some pepper if you want, and serve. And enjoy!

A Quote from Uncle Marco

"I don't care what you do, but if you treat a dog bad, well, there's just no fuckin' excuse for that." ----------- Uncle Marco (may he rest in peace!)

?

...feeling very uninteresting this week.


A couple funny things:

I always have to put my left shoe on first. No exceptions.

One time I fell asleep with my hand in a bowl of salsa.

I choose Hillary.

I've had my nose pierced for over 15 years. But I only wear a nose ring for a few days out of every year because as soon as I get a new one, I lose it. So I don't bother. Funny ways I have lost my nose rings:
1. Swallowed by a dog
2. Dropped it down a bidet
3. umm.... yup that's all I got. Told you I was boring today.

A Recent Conversation

This conversation occurred between Nick and Caitlin. You may send all nots of sympathy to Nick at our home in Salt Lake City. Hehe!!

Nick: I got my new phone today!

Caitlin: Cool! How is it?

Nick: Fine.

Caitlin: Does it have a phone?

Nick: Huh?

Caitlin: Does it have a phone in it?

Nick: (confused) What do you mean?

Caitlin: (exasperated) I mean, does it have a PHONE in it???

Nick: (still confused) Uh... I'm not sure I understand the question.

Caitlin: Oh! I mean, does it have a camera! (light bulb!)

Nick: (shaking head to self) Dork!

A Greener Life

Thanks to the increasing cost of fresh organic vegetables, and our obligation to do our part to make the planet a greener, cleaner place to live... Nick and I have decided to start our own organic garden!
Besides just making environmentally responsible choices, we're super excited about our garden because we love fresh vegetables. Nick is a vegetarian and I have cut way back on red meat (I eat chicken and fish occasionally, but I've been 100% vegetarian off and on over the years), but besides that we both just really love veggies. Not to mention that you can't get a good ear of sweet corn in Utah, so why not just grow our own??
This weekend we (well, Nick) designated a plot, dug it out, and laid wood beams down as the border. We got organic (no fertilizer! 100% natural cow manure! Yum!) soil, and to save on cost, decided to start all our veggies from seed.

A Fun List of Vegetables and herbs that hopefully we'll have within the next few months:

• Heirloom tomatoes
• Roma tomatoes
• Cucumbers
• Basil
• Sweet corn
• Green beans
• Sugar snap peas
• Mesclun greens
• Lavender
• Chives
• Artichokes
• Bell peppers
• Zucchini
• Parsley
• Collard greens
• Eggplant
• Onions
• Swiss chard
• Cilantro
• Dill
• Rosemary
• Thyme
  

I am so excited about this project. I love to garden but haven't had much chance the past few years... This will be a nice opportunity to get my hands in the dirt and learn a little about gardening. It will be interesting, for sure, especially since we're starting everything from seed!
Also, everyone knows I like to cook... I cannot tell you how stoked I am to be able to make a huge pot of Sunday Gravy with homegrown organic tomatoes, onions, peppers, and basil. Um, can you get any closer to heaven than that???

Pictures coming soon!!!!!!!

"Emancipate yourself from mental slavery;
none but ourselves can free our minds"

---Bob Marley

The Funniest Thing!

I giggled about this for 10 minutes! Ha!

A Fun Survey About Me! (I mean, narcissism is the point of blogging, right?)

A Fun Survey, Since I Don't Really Know What to Post About

1. If you could change one thing about your past, without it changing every other aspect of your life, what would it be?
Without a doubt, I would change the retardedness of my credit card habit in college. I dug myself into a deep hole that I will be clawing my way out of for many years. I think I would have better opportunities I would have if I wasn't so stupid in those years- like owning a home, etc. Lesson learned.




2. Are you happy with where you are in life, at this time?
Absolutely! I would change a thing, with one exception (see Question #1).




3. If you could travel anywhere in the world, without cost being a deciding factor, where would you go?
Tahiti, and I would rent one of those private over-the-water bungalows. It would be so romantic to have Nick there with me, but I also covet my alone time and would also enjoy just spening a couple weeks by myself, reflecting, reading, and relaxing.

4. Do you get along better with the same sex, or the opposite sex?
I get along with people regardless of their gender. Some people I am incompatible with, women and men. And I am SO SICK of women saying things like "I just don't get along with other women. We're so catty," blah blah blah. That paradigm is an example of a sexist society that advocates women working against each other because the idea of us subordinates uniting is just too scary. Whatever, dude. I believe in the sisterhood.


5. Are you the type of person who prefers one or two close friends, or lots of acquaintances?
I have a few close girlfriends, and my best friend and partner in crime is Nick, who is my greatest champion and the person that kicks my ass into being the best person I am capable of being. I also have several acquaintances, and that's great too :)


6. Are you still friends with anyone you went to school with?

Not really. I didn't identify with a lot of the kids I went to high school with. Those were difficult years for me.


7. Are you a home body, or a social butterfly?
Again.... both :) Most of my days off I like hanging out with Nick at home, making yummy dinners and stuff. Once every couple weeks or so I like to go out and have a few beers with friends, or get a big group of friends and our dogs together for long hikes up in the canyons, or get a group together for dinner. I think it's important to diversify!


7. What do you enjoy doing on the weekends?
See above! I also try to get to church on Sundays.


8. If you had to be on a reality show, which of your friends would you take with you?
Definitely my best girlfriend Megan. We have been through so much together (we were roommates in college) and sometimes we fight like sisters, because that's really what we are, but no one makes me laugh or loves me for the crazy person that I am like she does (except maybe Nick :)

9. Beer, wine, or liquor?
I'm a beer girl, but I do enjoy a glass of red with dinner occasionally

10. What is your relationship status?
Living with the coolest guy in the universe

11. Are you happy with your current relationship (or lack thereof)?
Wouldn't change a thing.


12. What is your idea of a perfect date?
Dinner in a cute little restaurant in Pacentro, Italy (where my family is from; I visited all 1,000 of my cousins there this past July) with Nick, and then a stroll through the countryside... ahh, so romantic!

13. If you could have a date with any celebrity, who would it be and what would you do?
George Clooney, and the agenda is X-rated.


-14. Do you think you can love someone, without trusting them?
Oh, time for the high school questions! Um, duh?


15. Do you believe it is possible to be in love with someone you've never actually spent time with?
Duh again


16. Do you believe in soul mates?
Yes, but I think if you are lucky you are blessed with more than one. And I don't think a soul mate necessarily has to be romantic.

17 If you do believe in soul mates, have you found yours?
I think I was definitely destined for the person I am with.


18. Which is more intimate, in your opinion... Cuddling or Intercourse?
Nice question! Whatever!


19. If your partner was unable to have sex due to illness or injury, would you stay with them?
I wouldn't leave him as long as he was alive


20. Are you happy with your current career/job?
I love my job (I'm a Labor and Delivery nurse), and I am going back to school to get my Master's degree in the fall. I'm gonna be a midwife!

21. If not, what would you rather be doing?
I always thought it would be cool to be an actor or a musician. I'm not particularly talented in the arts and always wish I was. I think it would be interesting to be famous, but I don't think I would enjoy it for long. I would be one of those people that does one great movie or record and then sucks after that so people would leave me alone. Ha!


22. Which is more important, your career, or your family (assuming you are married with children)?
Family is the most important thing!


23. If you answered family to the above question, would your family agree that they are most important?
Uhh...

24. How many hours a week do you work, on average?
Usually around 36, sometimes more, rarely less

25. Did you choose your current career path for money or enjoyment?
I went into it because I was interested in it, and it's not like I have a trust fund to live off of or anything, so, there ya go I guess

26. If you could have ANY job, what would your top three career choices be?
1.
Midwife (hey! I'm going to do that! I'm actively making my dreams come true!)

2.
at-home mom, of the hippie organic-gardening, sweater-knitting type

3.
writer



27. What's your biggest strength, when it comes to your job?
I get people. I have a knack for interacting with my patients and they usually love me. Obnoxiousness at the nurses' station notwithstanding....



28. Your biggest weakness, or flaw?
At my worst, I am high-strung and tempermental. It's a constant challenge for me, and I'm always trying to be better


29. Do you take pride in your work, or just hurry through it as quickly as you can?
I take pride in my work and strive for efficiency!

30. What's something that few people know about you?
Sometimes doing the dishes makes me gag. In my work I am constantly around (and sometimes being splashed by!) pee, poop, puke, amniotic fluid and blood. I have gotten all kinds of gross things into my eyes, mouth, and hair, and all over my clothes too. I deal with needles on a daily basis and they don't bother me. But putting my hands into a dishful of dirty dishes is enough to make me lose it!

Things that might surprise you about me

1. I like spiders. I never kill them.

2. I am very superstitious

3. I speak Spanish fluently

4. I got arrested when I was 15

5. I am cocky and have a big mouth, but I am actually pretty sensitive and want people to like me

6. I am a closet hippie. I want to have all my babies at home in the bathtub.

7. I have 5 brothers and sisters

8. I would rather be on the couch with a book in my face than on a nature hike

9. I adore Phil Collins

10. I have a temper. I am a door-slammer and a shouter of expletives when I'm mad. I can be really mean but then I always feel guilty afterwards.

11. I am a klutz. At any given time I have at least one bruise on my body from running into something, dropping something, or tripping. I even fell on my face on the stairs outside the Salt Palace in downtown SLC (yes, people saw!).

12. I believe in the Mother Goddess and have been reading about goddess-based religions since I was 16. I also do astrology. Some people call this black magic. I call it having diverse interests and an open mind

13. I voted for Ralph Nader in 1996 but I believe he's to blame for George W. being in office right now. I think George W. is a fucker.

14. I always have to put my left shoe on first

15. I made out with a cop once. I like police officers.

Post # 1

My first post!
My name is Caitlin. I'm a loudmouth, goofy, passionate girl who loves her life. I live in Salt Lake City with my beautiful and awesome boyfriend Nick, and our dog and cat. I've been a nurse for almost 5 years now (currently in Labor and Delivery) and I love my job, but I'm getting ready to go to school in the fall to be a midwife.
I love reading, cooking, clean sheets that smell like fresh laundry, sprawling out on the beach under the sun, hanging out with my girlfriends, trying new things, the clicking noise when stuff gets sucked up the vacuum cleaner, and spending all day in my jammies. My most recent addiction is Costco. I never knew I needed a gallon of Lysol kitchen disinfectant or 500 Ziploc baggies all at once, but I sure am glad to have them, just in case.
I'm not perfect, and my life is anything but, but I'm having the time of my life and am stoked to be just where I am, right now. I count my blessings every day and that's the way it should be!